Vatican Priest of the Month: May Edition

Anne returned from Italy with a very peculiar birthday gift for me: a calendar composed of photographs of Vatican priests. Now, apparently, they sell this puzzling variety of calendar all over Rome while leaving many questions unanswered: Are these photographs of Catholic priests actually meant to function as pin-ups? Why is no explanation offered by the calendar-distributing authority? Okay, this chart listing all the Popes (minus the Anti-Popes) since St. Peter is pretty handy, and this information on Vatican passports and currency probably will be useful for future quiz nights, but WHAT ABOUT THE MODELS? Who are they, really? Do they seriously work for the Vatican? Or is it in the Vatican? Why are some of them posed with strange hats and a cat so as to resemble twisted assassins?

Anyhow, in my bid to keep you entertained, here is the first installment of Vatican Priest Monthly (hopefully we'll get through all twelve if I don't get bored or feel disappointed with some of the months. Or, you know, if I DIE. And by die, I mean run away and live out the rest of my life being slightly tipsy in Monaco).

I don't really care for May's face, so we're starting off with August. His name is Agosto, because they ain't giving out names and Agosto is Italian for August and it totally jives with this guy's dangerous 'tude. Even though this kid is not my type (clearly not Jewish), I do have to admit that he's pretty hot. Hot in a 'I'd totally throw you up against a wall and threaten to run you over in my sleek Lamborghini and Valentino suit and you would shatter with ecstasy' kind of way. Nothing like a smoldering Mediterranean-type wearing white gloves, I tell you.

So, truly, if this guy is a Vatican priest (and therefore a Roman Catholic priest), he practices serious abstinence, no? (Can one practice abstinence?) Everybody now, look closely at the photograph and try to argue anything other than the fact that Agosto is a raging sex fiend. I think the abuse of power and snappy haute couture get him off in a major way. Wouldn't you agree? Hmmm, maybe he is my type.