"Is anyone else from our graduating class back there?"

When I was in high school, Clerks (1994) was my favourite movie. Its budget was $27,575 and it was filmed entirely in black and white in a run-down convenience store in Leonardo, New Jersey. It definitely still figures in my top ten favourite films of all time. I still remember seeing it for the first time at my friend Krystyna's house, our teenage bodies wracked with fits of incredulous laughter. The movie was divided into chapters with absolutely hilarious titles like: Vilification; Syntax; Vagary; Purgation; Malaise; Harbinger; Whimsy; Quandary; and Denouement. Malaise! Whimsy! It was so brilliant! These words encapsulated my adolescent existence! Krys and I had struck upon purest gold at Avenue Video.

Growing up in suburbia, I somehow felt like I could relate to the crazy antics of Dante, Randal, Jay, and Silent Bob - although, of course, I never absentmindedly sold cigarettes to young children. I never caused a scandal at a funeral. Also: my significant other never fucked a dead guy in the darkened bathroom of a Quick-Stop Groceries.

When I think of Clerks today, I almost wish I was stuck back at home, working in a dead-end job, with no particularly exciting prospects for the future. Why complete my MA dissertation in England when I could be lounging around a poorly stocked video store in Rosemere, dispensing sarcastic wit at every opportunity and revelling in my status of local pop culture junkie? I'm pretty lazy, and I enjoy being cranky and marginally frustrated. I love throwing out a good scorching line from time to time (well, yes - actually quite often) and I simply cannot get enough of melodramatic posturing. I relish belittling people who have moved on to supposedly 'bigger and better' things. I'm perfect for the job!

All of these fond memories and thoughts are arising from the news that Kevin Smith is daring to release Clerks II in August 2006. Randal burns down the Quick-Stop accidentally (!) and he and Dante find themselves flipping burgers at Mooby's, harassed as per usual by an invading force of idiotic and abusive customers. After the debacle that was Jersey Girl, I know that news can be terrifying. What if this miserable sequel destroys the pure genius of the original chef-d'oeuvre? However, the trailers and teasers look awesome, the music seems to be of the same loony calibre, Randal is back, and JASON LEE makes his usual amazing appearance. Even Ben Affleck drops by (no word on his other half, Matt Damon). The clip of Jay getting his groove back on while applying lip balm just fills every square inch of my soul with gladness and relief. My heart palpitates excitedly at the thought of the hilarity that will surely ensue from comparing the merits of the original Star Wars franchise with the recent prequels and the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I tremble lustfully when imagining what new filth will issue from Randal's mouth. I'm ready to return to Leonardo. I am oh so ready.

Snooch to the nootch, bitch.

Check out the original Clerks at: http://www.viewaskew.com/clerks/
.... and the upcoming release at: http://www.clerks2.com/